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Attitude & Motivation
by Jenna Renee Evans
Attitude is how you feel about it, how you approach it, how you deal with it. Motivation can have a bearing on attitude only in that your feelings about why you are motivated influence your attitude. If you think that CDing isn't really OK to do, your attitude will tend toward a negative feeling about what you do, whereas if you are more comfortable with being a CD, you stand a much better chance of having a positive attitude about CDing.
"Why do you dress" speaks to motivation
"What do you achieve" speaks to goals (what motivates you
"Have you ever gone out dressed" speaks to experience
"Were you passable" is irrelevant
"What is your involvement with crossdressing" speaks to experience.
All good questions, but not really directly relevant to attitude. Many CDs are asking the motivation questions, and struggle with them daily. Some however have moved beyond exploring and debating the motivations and have started to deal with how to approach the issue as it impacts their life. In short, they are deciding to bypass "why" and start looking forward to learning what this thing is about *for them*. They start to examine their attitude, i.e. "how do I feel about..." rather than "why do I...".
What is attitude? I haven't figured out the "word" for it yet , but I know how to describe its outward effects. Attitude is what you exhibit when you are read. What do you do? Smile, nod your head and acknowledge that they pegged you right, a man in a dress? Or do you hang your head in shame? Turn away? Want to sink into the floor?
Attitude is what you exhibit when you walk into a restaurant, head held high. No slouching to hide the height, but a smile on your face for all to see. You *belong* there, just like they do, your money is just as green and their job is to treat you like the paying customer you are. And if anyone is rude, you call for the manager in a firm tone of voice, not raising a ruckus, but doing exactly what you would do if you were wearing a suit and tie and the waiter disses you. *That* is attitude!
Attitude is also what you exhibit when you walk down the street, eyes down, shoulders slumped, looking scared of your own shadow. Attitude is what will either keep you hiding in the house when you want to go out, afraid of what strangers will think, or get you out and about. How you feel about yourself will come through in your actions, cross dressed or no.
It really doesn't matter what motivates us as CDs, what does matter is how we deal with it in our life. Is it a blessing or a curse? Why is it a blessing? A curse? The answer to that is your *attitude*. *You* determine that, and only you. To be trite, if you think you can, you're right. If you think you can't, you are still right. Your *attitude* will determine what you do, how you do it, and how much you enjoy it.
I'm not there yet. I've always had a pre-occupation with what others thought, I wanted so badly to fit in. It still haunts me. I still worry about walking out of the house en femme. Get me away from the house, and I'm fine. If a neighbor sees me and figures out who I am, well, that is the breaks and I'll deal with it. I also don't believe the line about you can't preach it unless you practice it. It doesn't matter if you are also on the path of learning if you know where you are going and how to get there.
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