Outing Myself and My Experience
by Hope Thomas
When I first became a member of the Crossdressers Secret Garden group I was completely in the closet. No one, not even my wife knew about me. Since that time I have come out to first my wife then many friends at Tri Ess.
Not long after that I told my youngest daughter. Her response was wonderful. No hesitation just unconditional acceptance. She even bought me a miniskirt right after finding out for a fathers day present, just so I would know she loved me the way I am.
I also told my best friend. OK other than my wife of course. He will be 100 years old this year. He is also very accepting and wanted as much information as I could give him about myself and my fellow sisters. He has been truly wonderful to me.
I then came out to my sister. We have been very close from early childhood. Although she wasn't sure why I thought she should know she was very supportive and wanted to know more and see pictures. She says she would love to go out with me and my wife as three girls.
Next was my oldest daughter and her husband. She had no problem with cross dressing either. Her husband simply asked "this will affect our relationship how?". I answered that I hoped it would not effect it at all. He then said "Good ...Do you have a web site?" He wanted to see pictures. So we went to his computer and I brought up some pictures. No problem from either of them.
The hardest was my son. He doesn’t talk much except for his famous one word sentences. He, just like his sisters had no problem with my gender difference. When he told his girl friend she was excited to talk to me about it and couldn't wait to go out on the town with my wife and I. They attended Tri Ess meetings and functions with us to meet as many cross dressers as she could. Believe me she was a real hit at the meetings she attended, including prom night. She dressed to the nines so she could fit in with all the girls at Tri Ess. They go out with us and our TG friends regularly.
I had spoken to my mother on many occasion where I said I was friends with an m2f crossdresser. At first I want sure how she felt about people that were different. I have been home without my wife for the last few days while she has been in another state helping my youngest daughter deliver my fourth grandchild (8 lbs 3 oz and doing great). While talking to my mother about the fact I was home alone she asked if I was eating without my wife being here to cook for me. I said yes I had been to dinner with my transgender friend Bobbie. She jokingly said "do you go as two boys or two girls". Sooo...I took a deep breath and said well sometimes we go as boys and sometimes we go as girls. Her reaction didn’t seem to be revoltion but we chatted a bit more and we got off the phone. I daunt think she really knew if I was joking or not.
I went to my granddaughter birthday party. When I got home that afternoon I decided I should call mom again. This time I gave her more information about Bobbie and what it means to be transgender. At the end of a very long discussion I asked her if she wondered how I knew so much about the subject. She said she did wonder but did not want to come out and ask point blank so I told her its because I am a transgender person. Much to my surprise she was totally accepting and had enough questions to take up 2 more hours of questions. She needed to get off the phone and go to dinner but made me promise to call her at 7 to talk some more. At 7:05 I called her back. She said she had the phone in her hand because I hadn't called her yet. She had 3 more hours of questions. She says she is looking forward to meeting my TG friends so she can understand even better.
My sister has internet access and is going to help mom learn as much as she is willing to learn. They plan on visiting my web site as well.
Sorry if this is long but I wanted my sisters here in the Garden to take hope in my experience. I planed my coming out carefully. I tested the ones I was going to come out to by telling them I knew a TG person to judge their reaction without actually coming out to them. I planed the order of people to tell so that the first would help the second. I asked permission from Bobbie to out him to my family before I told them I knew a cross dresser. And then I made slow calculated risks and outed myself to many of my family.
I believe telling is far less risky then being found out. You keep control rather than having to play the defensive roll. This was my method of coming out. As more of the people in my life come to know about me the more comfortable I become with myself. I have to admit there is some risk. I could have had some of the people I love reject me. Hopefully it would not have been permanent if they did. However I kept the risk to a minimum. I educated before I came out to each person. And I went at each persons ability to learn.
Hope has been a member of our group
A Crossdressers Secret Garden since
December 9, 2003