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Don’t Break the Trust - Don’t Take it Back
Often Marriage or a committed Relationship is a compromise, and even more so when they involve crossdressing. Many couples lay down ‘rules’ when it comes to dealing with the level of ‘comfort’ one partner may have when the other happens to be a crossdresser. My column will address not only the Crossdresser but their Wife, Girlfriend, or SO as well, hence the double title “Don’t break the trust - Don’t take it back”
Many times I have heard Crossdressers say “She was fine with it before, now I don’t understand what went wrong” My first question to them is “Did you break her trust?”, by this I mean, had you both agreed on ground rules, and somewhere along the line did you over step the boundaries? Many times, Crossdressers who have just come out to their partners tend to go into a ‘Kid in the candy store’ phase. All the freedom they feel goes to their head, and they tend to forget that it is not all about THEM, there is now another person’s comfort level to consider in the relationship.
If, in your relationship, your partner has set up ‘boundaries’, meaning areas she at this time does not feel comfortable with, then PLEASE respect those boundaries. Don’t try to push the envelope so to speak, because it will only backfire on you. Believe me, I have seen it happen! Some of you may be wondering what the ‘boundaries’ would be, this could be anything from not going out of the house dressed, to not bringing ‘Her’ to the bedroom, and many more in between. There are just certain areas that we as wives are not quite ready to get our minds around when first finding out that the person we love is a Crossdresser. Each partner is unique into herself, and while one may feel comfortable with certain aspects of crossdressing, another may not. Remember you have had a life time to come to terms with this, she has only just began to learn.
Once you break her trust, in any of the areas where boundaries have been set, it will be very hard to regain any trust you may have lost by doing so. Remember, she is already feeling betrayed if your crossdressing is something you had kept from her for quiet a while during the relationship. She is now starting to trust you again, you two are talking about it, and with compromise you are allowed out of the closet. Eventually, as I have seen in many cases, these ‘boundaries’ tend to dissolve as her comfort level increases, so don’t be afraid that once you tell her, that you have walked out of the closet only to end up in a somewhat larger closet of your home because of these boundaries. IF you keep your word, and respect her ‘comfort level’ and above all COMMUNICATE with each other all should be fine.
Now on the other hand, you as a wife, girlfriend, or SO have set the boundaries in your relationship with a crossdressing partner. Remember these boundaries are a two way street, ‘Don’t take it back’. Feel free to ‘renegotiate’ these boundaries at any time, but don’t wake up one morning and say “I don’t want you to do this any more”. You have given him his freedom, don’t put him back into the closet. I’m sure, if you are at this point willing to accept he is a Crossdresser, you have read anything you can get your hands on to help you understand this. Most likely you have read that crossdressing is not a choice, it is something within their genetic make up that compels them to do this. Therefore, it is NOT something that will just go away if you shut the closet door on it.
On the other hand, if you are feeling comfortable within the boundaries you have set, and feel there may be some you can let down, then by all means talk with each other about it. These boundaries are not set in stone, as your comfort level increases, try letting them down, with the understanding if it is too much to handle they may need to go back up for a bit.
So basically always remember, as a Crossdresser don’t push, but gently talk with your partner about it, but by no means break the trust by going behind her back and pushing the limits by overstepping the boundaries. As a partner, don’t tell your Crossdresser that you are comfortable when you are not, only to take it back somewhere down the road. Remember the boundaries set are for both of you, and with heart to heart talks and open honest communication they can work.
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